Ambien (Children's Book)

I was going to make a bad decision...

...but I took an Ambien instead.

I got curious about the afterlife...

...but I got Ambien in my head.

I was going to ride a dolphin...

...but got called a fag and got rocks thrown at me.

I was so upset and didn't know what to do...

...so I cried for a moment wondering where I put my Ambien.

It's okay to cry I told myself. It's ok.

I found my Ambien and I was ready for a break...

...I was too eager and took too much.

I can't go to my job anymore or play music or talk on the phone with family and friends but none of that is a drag where I'm going. Where I'm going I am agile and attractive, competent, worthwhile. There are several jobs they'll let me do. Good jobs too, jobs where you can take a thought, focus on it, and carry it with you through eternity and you can have Ambien, infinitely.

Party Scene

Every party I go to ends up being like this:



The only dialogue I that takes place is hasty and confusing, I'm perpetually disoriented, and my state of discomfort is accompanied by loud, dumpy, fretless bass.

Monday Mind Melter: Courtney Wins!

Congratulations to Courtney for successfully unscrambling this Monday's animal!!!!!!!!!

There was a lot of confusion about how to solve the animal scramble and I realized I should have posted some explanation of what was going on. Each scramble is just one animal scrambled up - there are four options as to which animal has been scrambled. You just try to, using your knowledge of what animals look like, make an educated guess between A, B, C, and D. Courtney, this week's champion, was probably like "hmmm, I know that it has to be either a dog, a cat, a frog, or a rat...it looks small like a frog but it isn't green...wait...frogs usually won't have fur and they're usually green so I'll rule that out...looks smaller than a dog but it's a picture so it could've been re-sized...I wonder if it is actual size..." and then she would've had it narrowed down to only three animals that have fur and aren't green and now has a 33% rather than 25% chance of a successful guess.


Also, it won't help to look up other sites that have animal scrambles because each one I post will be custom made from scratch on day of posting.


Additionally, I'd like to award this week's winner with a custom desktop pattern entitled "Gimme Four."




Simply click on the picture with your right mouse button and select the "Set as Background" option. To get the most out of your desktop pattern open Control Panel > Appearance and Themes > Display > Desktop > and choose either stretch or tile. Stretch will fill your screen and give you larger hands and tile will fill your screen and give you more hands of the same size.

Then if you minimize the windows you're working in you'll still be able to see some while you're working on something else:

If you didn't win please respect the integrity of the competition and don't just take the desktop pattern for yourself.

Monday Mind Melter: Animal Scramble!

A) Cat

B) Dog

C) Rat

D) Frog

Sleep Etc...

I while back I was searching the iTunes store for podcasts that would help me fall asleep and realized people are under the impression that bad synthesizers and simulated crickets are comforting. I think the majority of people that live in cities aren't around crickets often enough to have developed a sleep inducing conditioned response to their rubbish songs and you'd think that the people that live in an environment in which crickets are a constant would just open their window if they wanted to hear that nonsense. As I browsed these sleep-aids for the uninsured I found one called "Daily Power-Nap - NapSounds Nature" that describes itself as follows:

PODCAST DESCRIPTION:

Imagine yourself in a peaceful valley, you can hear birds singing in the distance. Now, all you need to do is relax. Every day a new power nap is generated for you to enjoy. Specially designed power naps contain original sound recordings, custom resonating frequencies to ease you into sleep and a voice to gently guide you.

The reviews for this one are beyond awesome:

The Dog by Nappy Boy (2 Stars)
Who let the dog loose? It runs around barking and disturbing the nap. Then, at the end, some rooster crows. Let us set our own alarm.

Dog by NoNap (1 Star)
This is a potentially excellent idea, but who on earth considers a dog barking to be relaxing? Isn't that just the kind of noise people are trying to block out when they listen to things like this???

I found it quite suprising that Nappy Boy gave the podcast two stars after being agitated about the dog and then being deprived of the ability to crow his own cock. I wonder if the creators of this podcast are assholes or are just misguided.

I searched for a while longer and found nothing but more of the same and settled on a google video of somebody filming the sun set over the ocean which had some wind and crashing waves. I think by the time you've spent a few hours determining that all your options are comparably poor you're probably ready to sleep so it's one of those journey, not the destination, things.

Here are a few things I find to be sleep inducing:

David Sylvian's album Secrets of the Beehive



John Zorn's album IAO Music in the Sacred Light and Redbird

Naked City's album Absynthe



Led Zeppelin's Rain Song (from Houses of the Holy)

Lead bar to the head/Not browsing for vids.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

My Favorite Things

In no particular order:




I'm not looking for trouble.

It isn't easy finding people that share more than two of my interests. Solitude is wonderful.

Friday Trivia: Trunk or Junk?

Moping

I was looking through some old pics and realized I always mope.







Pathetic.

Friday Trivia: Name That Boar Breed!

Brotherhoodz: 2 Hot 2 Handle

Tugg Hanson:

Height: 6'2.5"

Body: Business/Casual

Age: 25

Eyes: Deep Brown

Turn-Onz: Henna Tattooz, Contact Lensez

Turn-Offz: Girlz that can't use chopstickz, Unibrowz

Girlz Say Yay: Tugg has a deep sense of romance and will take you 4 mealz at places like Thai and Italian restaurantz with candlez and sensual music, look you in they eyez and melt your heart.

Girlz Say Nay: He'z way into new-age healing and stuff but sometimez talkz about it 2 much and since it'z his job he askz for money when he gives you advice and if you don't give it 2 him he'll say "I guess dinner will do" and you usually have to pick up the tab after that.

Cleffrey Meyers:

Height: 6'1"
Body: Long/Tight
Eyez: Sharp Auburn
Turn-Onz: French Braidz, Tanz
Turn-Offz: Wide Neckz, Gapped Teeth
Girlz Say Yay: Cleff is a really physical guy and will give you back massagez, shoulder rubz, and put you in a state of relaxation and desire.
Girlz Say Nay: His apartment and clothes smell nasty cuz he has a lot of pet ferretz.

Skye Wilkingston:

Height: 5'9.5"
Body: Dense/Martial
Age: 25
Eyes: Gentle Blue
Turn-Onz: Bracez, Brazilianz
Turn-Offz: Thin Hair, Grannie Bagz
Girlz Say Yay: Skye is the full package. He'll bathe you in giftz and rose petalz, write and read you seductive poemz, and flood your email inbox with romantic e-cardz.
Girlz Say Nay: Has a Zune instead of an iPod because he can share music with his friendz but none of them even have Zunez.

Stayne Garcia:

Height: 6'3"
Body: Stiff/Cut
Age: 24
Eyes: Hard Brown
Turn-Onz: Side-Swept Bangz, Sass
Turn-Offz: Wheelchairz, Brazilianz
Girlz Say Yay: Stayne has a sense of humor that will make you bust up laughing. He doez an impression of Dave Chapelle sayin' "I'm Rick James, bitch!" that soundz just like you're listening to Chapelle show and will make you laugh until your stomach hurtz. He also takes his culture seriously and makez those short bikez and spraybrush paintingz.
Girlz Say Nay: He'z on house arrest and he sayz it'z because he got Punk'd by Chris Matthewz.

Series Premier on Sunday, October 12th 8pm MST on TBN

Charles Lloyd w/Keith Jarrett: Love Ship

I went a bit video crazy - the Jarrett solo on this performance blows my mind.

Acoustic Masada: Farewell

They were playing so well at this point but all great things must come to an end.

Punch Brothers: Sometimes

This video is a pretty good bit from their last album which contained a really involved song cycle thematically revolving around Thile's divorce.

Ambien

Makes me feel like I sleep like this:


But when I wake up I feel like this:


But I love it like this:

Some Classics

I've scoured my "Miscellaneous" folder on my office computer for any notable pictures and have found a few I've deemed necessary to post.

This one I made at my desk with an outdated scanner that was installed for no reason whatsoever. I even emphasized to the powers that be that I have no need for such equipment and would never use it. This picture proves my foresight to have been fallacious:

This picture was another product I invented but never pursued beyond the most elementary stage of development:

This is a flyer for an event I held last summer, the first of its kind, when Jon, Bill, and I were in the midst of exploring our masculine freedom. Eric never reciprocated our passion though he did string us along for quite a while. After several phone calls to his residence he ended up having his mother answer and inform us that he was "not feeling well." It killed my beard-buzz and I ended up shaving it off while on the phone with a friend ultimately cutting myself in several places and was forced to abruptly end the conversation because I was bleeding profusely.

Berezovsky: Liszt's Mazeppa

I would have really liked to have been around to witness the debut of these etudes.
Berezovsky plays them forcefully and precisely which, for such pieces, I enjoy.

Everything Changes

This is a relatively simply Adams tune that I've loved from the moment I heard it.

Memories of Customz Past

Here are some of my favorite hybrids I've put together in the recent past -

Jizzard:


Squortni:


K8laroo:


Billosaurus:


They all make wonderful desktop patterns so if you get the notion don't hesitate.

Tony Fest

A couple weeks ago we, Crimes in Modern Architecture, played at TonyFest 2008 in Southworth, WA.

It was a pretty great set-up and was very conducive to relaxation and enjoying live music, grilled food, beer, homemade blackberry cobbler, and whatever else this world has to offer. After playing as a group had been on hold as Vernon (our drummer) prepared the studio for our rehearsing/recording needs, this opportunity was the perfect environment to re-introduce ourselves to playing music before an audience without feeling rushed, struggling with horrible sound, being unenthusiastically greeted by an indifferent crowd, etc... I left the stage grateful of the opportunity and excited about what lies ahead. Also, the entire line-up was full of very enjoyable acts. Too many to explicitly mention being that nobody reads this.

Vern made a hilarious .gif file that the picture above was extracted from. It is an animation that presents a series of shots of me that made me realize I make outlandish faces all the time when I'm playing. If I can figure out how to get it to display correctly I'll post it.

The Day I Was Cool

This picture was taken in the parking lot of the Italian ristorante that my brother Justin's wedding reception took place at. The wedding took place at a small and old church outside of San Diego and, being that my brother is an officer in the Marines, was a military style wedding which a guy like myself (especially at this particular point in my life where I just so happen to look like a draft-dodger) usually looks a touch out of place. Despite the stylistic differences, the entire event was very pleasant. I was the best man so I got to hang out on stage while the ceremony took place and, admittedly, had to choke back a tear or two when the vows were exchanged though I can't, and couldn't at the time, explain why. During the days that preceded the wedding I spent time with family from several different areas, explored San Diego, checked out the zoo, etc... but my existence was plagued knowing that I was, in short time, going to have to deliver a toast that I hadn't prepared to unfamiliar people. The picture above was taken shortly before the toast as I was doing everything within my power to avoid actually entering the reception and accept the task before me. As soon as I got in I started drinking wine to dull my senses and made rounds among the crowd seeking advice from the older men in my family that I suspected to have been, at some point, in the situation I was in. I got the same goddamn answer from all of them which was.....honesty.....short-and-sweet.... I guest that was it for the most part. Anyways, nothing I found much comfort in to say the least.
My time to consume alcohol and seek counsel had passed, my presence was prompted over the PA, and my entire life of preparation for this particular moment was about to receive its report card: F-
I can't tell you exactly what I said but I can tell you I started with a joke that was half audible because, like a coward, I wasn't speaking directly into the microphone and when I finished repeating myself there was a hesitation to laugh that would set the tone for the remainder of my address.
Besides humility I got a memory out of the deal that is one of the perhaps 3-5 memories I have that actually make me smile and slightly laugh every time they cross my mind, regardless of my surroundings, which I guess I can appreciate.
Nevertheless, my brother and his wife Tiffani seemed very happy and could probably have given a shit less being that they just got married and had to sustain just a few more congratulations prior to consummation and were on the eve of a departure to Mexico to reinforce their consummation.
I caught the garter belt too which I believe means I'm next in line to provide a best man with humiliation.

KitCycle Xtreme

Currently in the elementary stages of development...

...stay tuned for updates.

Only in America...

...can a presidential candidate pick an almost entirely unknown running mate, have them deliver a speech penned by a for-hire writer that completely contradicts the policies they've supported throughout their entire career and is loaded with completely false accusations about the opposition, have it aired on live television in prime-time supported with top-notch production quality, and followed by passionately un-critical pundits on loop delivering favorable opinions for those not critical enough to have formed their own or content with not having one........aaaaaaaaaaand.........can simultaneously be praised for making an excellent decision.

Richter: Chopin Etude Op. 10 No. 4

The first Richter I had the had the pleasure of experiencing was his recording of Bach's WTC and it took me a short while for it to sink in being that I was more familiar with Gould's interpretations. The intensity of Richter's playing initially presented itself to me as a bit rough around the edges but peaked my interest. His Chopin and Scriabin pieces are all amazing. Check them out if you've the inclination.

Going to a Town

This is one of my favorite songs and, regardless of how often I listen to it, is one of the very few songs I can think of that doesn't dull in impact with increased familiarity. I love Rufus Wainwright's music and can't sing its praises enough. For anyone yet to have undertaken his output I'd suggest the following tracks as a guiding light (not in any particular order):

Go or Go Ahead, Poses, I Don't Know What It Is, This Love Affair, The Art Teacher, Dinner at Eight, Viscious World, Agnus Dei, Not Ready to Love, and Release the Stars.

I'm eagerly anticipating his opera which was dropped by the Metropolitan Opera because he refused to convert his libretto from French to English (they commissioned the work after it had already begun to be written in French expecting him to change it) and, from Rufus's perspective, because it wouldn't be debuted until 2014. It will be debuted in Manchester sometime in 2009. Also, he's set several Shakespeare sonnets to music that I hope surface in the very near future.

The Face I Wish I Could Permanently Maintain

It just screams "Love it or punch it."

Fan Fiction?

What's the difference between Schindler's List fan fiction and just amateur drama that happens to be set in WWII era Germany?

Fan fiction continues to appeal to me as the lowest form of literature we've created. That and MySpace "About Me" entries.

http://www.fanfiction.net/movie/Schindlers_List/

I Want This Jacket

I haven't seen any existing garment for males so excessive in terms of material required for its production. However, I fear that the receding hairline and hyper-masculine facial composition may be necessary to pull this jacket off, both of which I'm lacking. Maybe if I slicked back my hair and grew the mangy neck beard I'd have a fighting chance but I'm still perhaps a bit too uncertain to commit to giving it a go.